You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
