Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
The air taste purple.
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