well I can't set my house on fire every night
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
