i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
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