I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
