So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
