used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
