its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
