sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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