I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
