I CAN MOONWALK!
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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