I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
