you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
