The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
