well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
