I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
