After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Im part way to drunk.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
