I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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