She said her name was "party"
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
