At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
