You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
