: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
