Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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