Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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