he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
