She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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