yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
