How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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