Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
