Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
