M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
