weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
