I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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