I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
