Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
