What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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