I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
