Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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