:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
