i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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