The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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