Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize