I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
