We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
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Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
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We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?