and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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