If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
