Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
