You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
