Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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