Your face is a jimmy john
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
where are my eyebrows?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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