So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
