It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
