Please don't use social media to get back at me.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
As shirtless as possible
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
