i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
