Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I have grass duct taped all over my body
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize