also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
