foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
