Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
