I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
