at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
