those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Did you pee in the oven last night??
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
