As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
