so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
my being single is dangerous.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
