Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
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