Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
