there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
