youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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