"it" just moved
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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