i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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