I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
