You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
