My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
