probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I just had sex on a roof
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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