Whoa Z and x make the same sound
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
