the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
