I just made out with a guy for $7.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
