I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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