Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
